


In Shades Of Charcoal

by hachoo



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, like excessive fluff, side Bilbo/Thorin, side Ori/Dwalin, you made need a dentist on hand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hachoo/pseuds/hachoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Beneath his steady hand thin lines grew broader, quickly spreading out over the page in sharp strokes. Figures began to appear; a dimly lit room, moonlight streaming in through the open window. A table in one corner, a bed in the other.</i>
</p>
<p>  <i>And him.</i></p>
<p> <br/><i>He was a figment of Kili’s imagination, a man who haunted his dreams.</i><br/> </p>
<p>  <i>He felt more real to Kili than any person he’d ever met.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kili lives a perfectly normal life by day. By night he's haunted by dreams of places he's never seen, people he's never met. But then he meets Fili, and Kili begins to find it harder to distinguish between his dreams and reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

*

Kili startled awake, pushing the sheets to the floor as he scrambled out of bed and stumbled over to the table. He fumbled with the switch to turn the desk lamp on, cursing as he knocked over several books. Squinting at the sudden flare of light, he took a seat in the rickety old chair beside him, pulling forward a blank piece of paper and a pencil that had clearly seen better days, if its size and splintered edges were anything to go by. Closing his eyes for a moment, Kili took a deep breath before pressing pencil to paper.

Beneath his steady hand thin lines grew broader, quickly spreading out over the page in sharp strokes. Figures began to appear; a dimly lit room, moonlight streaming in through the open window. A table in one corner, a bed in the other.

And a man.  
  
His back was partially turned to the viewer so only his nose and cheek were visible. The rest of his face was covered by long hair, flowing loose over his shoulders, small braids interspersed lovingly. He wore a simple shirt and pants, feet bare, but despite this plain clothing his posture hinted towards someone of a higher class.

Kili smoothed his stub of a pencil over the man’s hand. There were calluses lining his palm and fingers. From a musical instrument maybe, or a weapon. Perhaps both; Kili could never decide. He ran his thumb gently over the man’s face, taking care not to smudge the man’s features. The angle of light drawn meant most of his body was cloaked in darkness, a shadowed figure in a shadowed room.

Kili stared at the picture for a long time before groaning and pushing it into a drawer already overflowing with sketches. They varied in content and quality; while some were merely crude sketches of a small hut, an abandoned lane, a large room filled with coins, others were rich in detail. There was a forest, shrouded in darkness and ever present eyes watching in the distance; a deep cavern with rickety bridges and wooden platforms; an abandoned fortress nestled in the crook of a mountain.

And _him_.

The unknown man featured in more than half of Kili’s drawings, always with an intense amount of detail. Kili had drawn his hair, his nose, his cheekbones so many times they were almost tangible to him. But that was all he had drawn, all he _could_ draw; his dreams never revealed the man’s full face, just glimpses in shadows. If he thought hard enough he could almost hear the whisper of a soft voice, a hint of cheekiness, a touch of pride, shrouded with love.

Kili often wondered what colour his eyes were, how he sounded when he laughed. Whether he had facial fair, how large his ears were. What it would feel like to run a hand through his braids. Whether his hands would be a cool burn against Kili’s skin, or if they would be warm as they traced over his body, leaving a fire in their wake. If his lips would be soft and gentle like his demeanour or hard and rough like the calluses that littered his hands.  
  
He was a figment of Kili’s imagination, a man who haunted his dreams.  
  
He felt more real to Kili than any person he’d ever met.

*

Two restless hours of sleep later, Kili was out of bed again. It was all very well, drawing at four in the morning but he had to making a living, after all. His phone buzzed incessantly as he got dressed; he checked it as he brushed his teeth.

 _How do you mend a broken heart?_ His screen asked pitifully. Kili nearly snorted his toothpaste.

 _Again?_ He texted back.

 _I don’t know how I’m still breathing,_ came the mournful reply.

 _Go apologise for whatever you did, you twat._ Kili shoved his phone into his pocket, grabbing his keys from the table.

He swung by his regular coffee place on his way to work. There was a long line of people waiting to order but thanks to his connection to the owner, Kili was able to grab his usual two coffees in a few short minutes.

“Tell Bombur I’ll swing by Friday night,” he said with a smile as he passed over the money. The barista nodded and gave a quick salute before rushing to save a co-worker who was staring at a coffee machine making a loud clanking noise in dismay. Ducking out the door, Kili crossed the street and headed through Kingsfoil Park. Eight minutes (and two curious dogs) later he pushed open the door to Bag End, making sure to flip the sign to read ‘open’.

“Kili, is that you?” Asked a hurried voice several bookshelves over. Footsteps could be heard scuttling closer and a second later their owner appeared before Kili, beaming broadly and clutching several books.

“Morning Bilbo,” Kili greeted, holding out the coffee. “Black, two sugars.”

“You’re a saint,” Bilbo said gratefully as he took the cup. He paused before taking a sip, frowning. “Yet you look like hell.”

“Thanks,” Kili answered dryly as he moved behind the counter to drop off his backpack. Bilbo followed him, resting his arms on the counter.

“Did you get any sleep last night?”

Kili rubbed his forehead tiredly, fighting off the inevitable migraine.

“Been having those dreams again,” he admitted. Bilbo nodded knowingly.

“Did you draw anything?”

“Yeah. Just some room.”

“And him?” Bilbo pressed. Kili hesitated before nodding.

“Yeah. I drew him,” he admitted, flushing slightly.

Bilbo was the only person he’d told about the man, one drunken night several years ago. He’d sworn him to secrecy as soon as he was sober enough, and Bilbo had kept his word. It was a relief in a way, to be able to share it with someone. He’d never shown Bilbo the pictures though. It seemed foolish; to refuse to show his friend sketches of a man that didn’t exist, but there was a part of Kili that irrationally clung to the notion that the man was his and his alone. And Bilbo seemed to understand that, never pressuring Kili to show him the sketches. It was one of the many reasons Kili loved Bilbo so.

“Well at least it’s not the nightmares anymore,” Bilbo commented. Kili hummed into his own coffee cup, recalling with a wince the several months were he’d been plagued with terrible nightmares of blood, screaming and death. He’d had to take a week off work after nearly passing out at the counter from lack of sleep.

“You know, you should consider selling those pictures. Not the ones of him, but the others you showed me. Try and make them into a cohesive sort of group, I’m sure someone would be interested. Maybe a children’s book or something,” Bilbo suggested. Kili shrugged nonchalantly.

“I don’t know Bilbo, they’re kind of- special. I don’t really want to show them to anyone until I can understand why _I’m_ drawing them.” Kili rubbed his ear bashfully, but Bilbo nodded in understanding.

“That’s fair enough. Now, I’ve ordered in several biographies and I’m expecting that shipment of those damn vampire books to come in as well. I’ve already arranged the new children’s display but we need to make room for the display of that new business guy, what’s his face- Smug?”

“Smaug?” Kili corrected, snickering. Bilbo glared at him and opened his mouth to retaliate but was interrupted.  
  
“Good morning Bilbo, Kili,” came a quiet voice and the pair turned to the newest arrival.

“Oh, good morning Ori,” Bilbo exclaimed delightedly, brushing away the last vestiges of imaginary dirt off his spotless counter. “How can we help you today?”

“I’m just browsing,” Ori admitted, cheeks slightly red. “Has any new stock come in yet?”

Ori was one of their most frequent customers, coming in at least twice a week. He was a teacher, working with both children and adults who had mental disabilities. He had first stumbled in one particularly dreary afternoon when the shop was quiet and Kili and Bilbo were having a marshmallow eating contest (Bilbo won, though just barely). For some reason he hadn’t been scared off by their absurdity and continued to visit, more often than not buying several books.

“I have just the thing for you. Wait here,” Bilbo said and disappeared. Ori blinked before turning back to Kili, offering a sweet smile.

“How are you Kili?” He asked softly. Kili shrugged.

“Can’t complain, I suppose. How about you Ori, you said you were getting a new student?”

Ori’s eyes lit up.

“Oh yes! Poor fellow, he was in a car accident and a piece of metal was embedded in his head. He can’t speak properly anymore, but we’re working on sign language. It’s fascinating really, he’s able to understand what everyone is saying but he can’t vocally communicate. You’d think the two would be closely related in our brain. Anyway, he seems to be picking up sign language fairly quickly, which is great.”

Kili couldn’t help but grin at how animated Ori got when he described his students; it was a stark contrast to his usual mild manner.

“Oh and I’m boring you now aren’t I, I’m so sorry,” Ori apologised, blushing furiously.

“No no, it’s interesting,” Kili reassured him with a grin. Ori flushed further as Bilbo came back carrying a book.

“Here you go Ori, just came in yesterday.”

“Wonderful,” Ori breathed as he took it. He dug into his coat pocked for cash, yanking out a few notes and handing them to Kili.

“Well I’d better head off, don’t want to keep my students waiting,” Ori said with a small wave. He nodded to Bilbo, then Kili.

“We’ll see you soon Ori,” Kili replied and Ori smiled as he left.

There was a short silence, Bilbo straightening out a nearby shelf whilst Kili entered the sale into the register.

“He likes you,” Bilbo said quietly. Kili glanced up from the till.

“Who?”  
  
“Ori, who else?”

“Well yes, I mean I’d consider him a friend of sorts, wouldn’t you?” Kili asked, confused. Bilbo sighed.

“No, I mean he _likes_ you. He has a crush on you, you should ask him out.”

Kili just blinked.

“He likes me?” He finally repeated, brow furrowed. “Since when?”

“Since forever! Surely you- you must have noticed. The poor lad comes in here all the time!”

“I thought he really liked books!” Kili protested. Bilbo snorted.

“He blushes every time you talk to him.”

“He’s shy!”

“He’s not _that_ shy!”

Kili opened his mouth and then closed it.

“What do I do?” He asked after a long minute of silence.

“Like I said, you should ask him out. Just as friends, see how things go. Lord knows you could do with a good date,” Bilbo added, ducking just in time to avoid the book Kili sent flying at him.

A date, Kili pondered as he moved to go set up the display on Smaug. A Date. He hadn’t been on one of those in years. Not since he’d started having the dreams. An image of the man flashed in his mind once more and Kili shook his head, slamming down a book with more force than necessary. Perhaps that was exactly what he needed, something to distract him. And a date with a friend couldn’t hurt, could it?

*


	2. Chapter 2

*

 

The date was a disaster.

Well no, perhaps that was being too harsh. Sure, Kili had shown up twenty minutes late because he accidentally locked his keys in his apartment and had to call his landlord to open the door. And then there was a slight mix up with the name of the restaurant so Ori ended up several blocks away at a shady looking pub rather than the small relaxed place Kili had suggested. When they finally did meet, an hour later than planned, Ori couldn’t stop apologising and Kili feared he might spontaneously combust from embarrassment, if his flushed cheeks and flapping hands were anything to go by.

Once they sat down for dinner, it became clear that Ori was extremely nervous. Kili had stressed that the dinner wasn’t really a date, more a dinner shared between two friends but Ori still seemed excessively anxious, knocking over his wine glass and cutlery, stumbling over his words as he ordered his meal. 

Dinner came and went, accompanied by polite conversation. Ori talked more about his students once he had calmed down; Kili spoke a bit about his art. Where they’d grown up, family background, what they’d wanted to be as children. They covered all bases of conversation but it felt somewhat forced, as though they were going through the motions of a first date without any of the excitement, the anticipation, the spark that usually accompanied it. 

“Do you want to grab a drink or something?” Ori offered once they were outside the restaurant, shivering slightly at the cool breeze that swept past. 

“I think I might head home, actually,” Kili replied apologetically and Ori’s face fell. 

“Oh. Oh right, that’s- I just thought-” his hands were flapping again and he gazed wide eyed at Kili. “Was it something I did?” 

“No! God no, Ori, I’m sorry, there’s just- I don’t feel anything between us, you know?” Kili gestured between their chests and Ori let out a heavy sigh. 

“I know. I hoped that if we went out together, alone, that something might spark,” Ori admitted sadly, wringing his hands together. He offered Kili a shaky smile. “Guess that wasn’t to be, huh.”

“I’m so sorry,” Kili repeated but Ori shook his head.

“No, really it’s fine.”

They stood in silence for several awkward moments before Ori cleared his throat. 

“Well I guess I should be heading home too.”

“Right, yes,” Kili said lamely. He offered his hand, and after a slight pause Ori took it. 

“Thanks for dinner. I’ll see you around.”

And he was gone. 

Kili heaved a sigh, glancing at his watch. It was barely past 9. He stood motionless on the pavement for several seconds before suddenly deciding he wanted a coffee. Bombur’s was open until 11, although Bombur himself didn’t work on Wednesday’s. In any case, there was no point in heading home to mope in front of the TV alone. Knowing his luck, all that would be playing would be some cheesy rom-com where the guy got the girl and they lived happily ever after.

Honestly, they could at least make the ending realistic.

 

*

 

Kili wandered into Bombur’s café and slumped into the nearest seat at the counter, ordering a cappuccino with cream. He needed something sweet. 

“Cream at this time. You’re either having a really good or really bad night.”

Kili blinked in surprise, turning to glance at the owner of the voice. It was a man seated two seats away, nursing his own cup of coffee.

“Really bad, if you had to know,” Kili replied after a slight hesitation. The stranger nodded knowingly before taking a sip.

“I’m sorry,” he offered with a kind smile. 

“What are you sorry for, you didn’t do anything?” 

“Just seemed like the right thing to say.” 

Kili didn’t know what to say in response so he just nodded. His coffee came and he took a grateful sip, the hot liquid soothing his throat and calming his mind. He looked at the other man again, suddenly feeling more forthcoming.

“How about you, good night or bad night?” He asked abruptly. 

_Real smooth Kili._

The man looked slightly surprised, but quickly caught on. 

“Well I got stood up by a blind date. So it could be considered good or bad.”

“How could that be good?”

“Well if he wasn’t a pleasant person, then I was saved from a night of unwanted company.”

Kili surprised himself by laughing at the unexpected response. 

“That’s certainly one way of looking at things.”

“Looks like you were on a date too,” the man commented as he glanced at Kili’s clothes. 

“Not a date. Just a dinner with a friend, trying to see if we could be anything more.” Kili said even as his mind screamed at him to stop divulging his private information to a complete stranger. A very attractive stranger.

_Stop it._

“And could you be?” The man asked.

“No,” Kili admitted bluntly. 

“Well at least now you know.”

“You’re very optimistic, aren’t you,” Kili commented.

“So I’ve been told.” The man flashed him a bright grin and Kili laughed again, feeling slightly breathless.

“So what do you do?” The man inquired, leaning closer as a loud group of teenagers walked in.

“Run a bookshop by day, artist by night,” Kili said with a slight grin. The man raised an eyebrow, looking interested. 

“An artist? What kind?”

“Sketching, painting, you name it. I’ve been trying my hand at charcoal lately.”

“You any good?”

Kili raised an eyebrow at the man’s frankness. 

“I like to think I am,” he shot back.

The man snorted, then offered his hand. 

“I’m Fili,” he said by way of introduction. Kili shook it firmly. 

“Kili,” he replied with a warm smile.

“So Kili, you say you own a bookshop?”

“Not own. I just work there, although it feels like I co-own the place. It’s just me and my boss, for the most part.”

Fili nodded in understanding, draining his cup.

“I don’t mean to sound like a stalker but my friend’s birthday is coming up soon and I know he’s been dying to get his hands on this art book. Any chance I could get the name of your store?”

“Oh yeah, sure,” Kili said as he scrambled for his wallet, pulling out one of the business cards Bilbo had forced him to carry around. “Here, it’s called Bag End. Only a couple of blocks from here, takes about ten minutes if you cut through the park.”

Fili took the card with a smile of gratitude which quickly turned to regret as he glanced at the clock. 

“I’ve got to go, I’ve got a really early start tomorrow,” he said apologetically. He rose to his feet and Kili quickly followed, almost knocking his chair over in his haste. 

“It was nice meeting you,” Kili offered and Fili beamed at him. 

“You too. Hopefully I’ll see you around.”

Kili couldn’t help but hope the same. 

 

*

 

That night he awoke with a cry, hand stretched out before him. Breathing heavily, it took him several moments to place himself, still caught in the nightmare he had seen. 

Stumbling to his table, Kili grabbed the closest sheet of paper and immediately began drawing, his hand shaking. His strokes were bolder than normal, thick dark lines that pressed harshly into the paper, smudges spreading across the page in his haste. Minutes ticked past as he continued his work, barely seeing the page before him. The dream was fading fast but there was still an image that stuck firmly into his mind, that was currently forming under his still trembling hand. 

The moment he finished drawing Kili dropped his pencil, staring at the sketch before him. It was the mysterious man again, standing tall and proud as he always was. He was facing away from Kili but the double swords in his hands were still visible, clenched tightly. His hair was limper than normal, tangled, and covered in some substance Kili was unable to place. What horrified him however were the distant approaching figures in the distance, some horrific disfigured creatures brandishing weapons and clearly intent on doing harm. The man- _his_ man- stood alone against them, armed with his swords and little else.

It was only then that Kili was able to determine what covered the man’s hair, covered most of him in fact. It was blood. 

Kili hesitated for a moment before pushing the drawing away and running for the bathroom, bile rising in his throat.

 

*

 

“So how did it go?” Bilbo asked the moment Kili walked in the door the following day.

“How did what go?”

Bilbo just glared at him and Kili raised his hands, palms forward, in peace.

“If you must know, as a dinner with a friend, it was pleasant. As a date however…”

“That bad?”

“Worse. I’ll be surprised if we ever see him here again.”

It was at that moment that the door opened and Ori wandered in, blushing bright red as soon as he saw Kili.

“Speaking of the devil,” Bilbo muttered under his breath. “Hello Ori, how are you?”

“Fine thank you Bilbo.” Ori glanced at Kili momentarily before averting his eyes. 

“Hello Ori,” Kili greeted awkwardly after a long silence.

“Hello Kili,” Ori replied stiffly. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here, I thought you had the day off.”

“Our other worker is on holiday,” Kili explained with a shrug.

There was another long silence before Bilbo cleared his throat. 

“Anything we can help you with?” He asked kindly. 

“I just wanted to ask when you’d be getting the book by Smaug in. The display in your window just says ‘coming soon’.”

“Ah, that doesn’t come in for another three weeks, I’m afraid,” Bilbo said apologetically.

“Oh right. I guess I’ll be off then.” 

Ori turned to leave, and was nearly out the door before Kili broke.

“Wait!”

Ori stiffened and slowly turned around. Kili glanced at Bilbo who quickly bounded off into the backroom to allow them some privacy. Kili rounded the counter and moved closer to Ori, who looked as though he was desperately wishing to be anywhere else.

“Ori, listen. I know things are kind of weird between us after last night, but I still want us to be friends.”

Ori blanched at the word, eyes darting to the door as though longing to escape, but Kili wasn’t finished.

“I know it’s asking a lot but- Ori, you’re a great guy, you really are. You’re kind, you’re smart, and you have such a big heart. You’re going to make someone so happy.”

Ori flushed further, finally meeting Kili’s eyes.

“You really think so?” He mumbled and Kili cursed his past self for not stressing that to Ori last night.

“I really do.”

“But that someone isn’t you, is it,” Ori said softly and Kili slowly shook his head.

“No.”

Ori nodded slowly, still looking downcast.

“I’d like to be your friend again,” he offered after a pause and Kili smiled.

“I’d like that too,” he replied, holding out his hand and after a moment’s hesitation Ori took it. 

It was a start.

 

*

 

“So just how bad was the date then?” Bilbo asked once Ori had left and they were alone once more. Kili shrugged. 

“It just- there was nothing between us, you know? We’re better off as friends.”

Bilbo nodded knowingly, which Kili thought was a bit rich seeing as he’d been the one who set them up in the first place. 

“But I uh-” Kili floundered for a moment, not sure if he should continue. 

“What?”

“I met someone.”

“What, last night? On your date? Well no wonder it didn’t go well with Ori.”

“No, after the date. I went to Bombur’s to get a coffee and there was this guy there. We talked for a bit and I don’t know, something kind of clicked,” Kili recalled with a faint smile.

“Are you going to see him again?” Bilbo pressed, leaning eagerly over the counter. Kili shrugged.

“I don’t know. He wanted to buy a book for his friend, so I told him about Bag End and he said he’d drop in, but who knows.”

Bilbo let out an undignified giggle of excitement, clapping his hands together.

“What does he look like?” 

“Well he’s blonde. Bit shorter than me. Blue eyes, great smile. Dimples,” Kili recalled somewhat dreamily and Bilbo giggled again.

“You fancy him,” he accused. 

“I talked to him for ten minutes tops,” Kili protested but Bilbo shook his head.

“I have never seen that look on your face before. You fancy him like mad.”

“I don’t even know him.”

“But you want to.”

Kili chose not to reply.

 

*

 

It was nearly closing time and Kili was trying not to nod off when the door to the shop opened. Kili, lounging behind the counter, looked up briefly to acknowledge the customer and nearly fell off his chair. 

“Fili!” He exclaimed, rising to his feet. 

“Hey,” Fili greeted with that same bright smile and Kili’s heart involuntarily skipped a beat. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d come,” he confessed as he made his way around the counter to stand before Fili. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I needed that book. Besides, I kind of wanted to see you again,” Fili admitted with a shy smile. Kili felt his own cheeks flush as he ducked his head. 

“I’m- I’m glad,” he replied, shoving his hands into his pockets and it was Fili’s turn to flush red.

It was at that moment that Bilbo emerged from the backroom, glancing between the two red faced men.

“Err… can we help you?” He asked uncertainly. 

“Bilbo! This is Fili. He’s the one I was- I mean, I met him last night at Bombur’s café,” Kili backtracked, feeling his cheeks flush further. 

“Oh. _Oh,_ ” Bilbo repeated as his eyebrows rose and he shot Kili a knowing look. Kili winced at the lack of subtlety and turned to Fili with an apologetic smile. Fili for his part just looked amused. 

“Fili, this is Bilbo. He’s my boss.”

“And friend,” Bilbo interjected, holding out a hand to Fili. “And I’ll have you know that in the absence of any parents or siblings, I’m the one you have to impress before you can embark on a serious relationship with Kili.”

“ _Bilbo!_ ” Kili squawked, mortified. Fili just laughed, shaking Bilbo’s hand. 

“Pleased to meet you, Bilbo. And I’ll keep that in mind.” He winked at Kili, who was considering going to a heart specialist. 

Sudden bouts of breathlessness and an increased heart rate were something to be concerned about, right? 

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urgh this chapter feels so disconnected, I'm sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

 

They went out for another coffee as soon as Kili finished work. Bilbo had basically pushed them out of the door immediately after Fili had bought his book, claiming he could close up the shop himself whilst blatantly winking at Kili. 

It looked like he had a severe eye twitch. 

They decided to go back to Bombur’s, partly because it was the closest café. The walkway through the park was brightly lit, lamp posts standing every fifty metres or so and Kili couldn’t help but admire the way the light danced across Fili’s face, shading his jaw, accentuating his cheekbones. Kili’s fingers itched for his paints, eager to capture the moment on paper. Fili seemed to sense Kili’s eyes on him, turning to glance at him and Kili ducked his head immediately, trying to hide his burning cheeks in the collar of his jacket. 

Fifteen minutes later they were seated at one of the many tables at Bombur’s, each clutching their coffee.

“So,” Kili began.

“So,” Fili repeated with a grin.

“You never told me what you do for a living.”

Fili took a long sip of his coffee, and Kili noted the cream on top with some interest.

“I’m a hospice nurse.”

“Wow really? That… that actually doesn’t surprise me,” Kili paused, trying to find the right words to explain as Fili raised his eyebrows. 

“Oh?”

“It’s just- I can see you doing that. You’d be a good hospice nurse. I mean, you probably are a good hospice nurse, I don’t know, I’ve never seen you in action.” Kili stumbled over his words, flushing furiously. Fili just laughed, a bright cheerful sound that immediately made Kili feel better.

“Thanks, I think.”

“Do you like it?”

Fili didn’t even have to pause to think about it.

“Definitely. It can be extremely demanding but there’s nothing I’d rather be doing.”

“More demanding than working at a bookshop?” Kili asked with a sly grin and Fili laughed again.

“Oh well, you’ve got me there.”

There was a pause as they both drank from their cups. Kili couldn’t help but snicker as Fili lowered his cup, revealing a cream moustache. 

“What?”

“It’s just- you’ve got-” Kili gestured to Fili’s upper lip with his hand, fighting the urge to laugh. Fili’s tongue darted out to sweep the cream up and Kili swallowed, hand still hanging uselessly in the air. 

“I’m always doing that,” Fili sighed. “All gone?”

“Yeah. Yeah it’s gone.” _Damn it, breathe. And put your hand down!_

There was another comfortable pause as Fili glanced around the café with an almost childlike curiosity, eyes wide as he took it all in. 

“Yesterday was the first time I was in here you know,” he confided in Kili. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, my date was supposed to be a couple of streets away. I don’t really know this area, so I kind of walked around until I wound up here.”

“And met me,” Kili couldn’t help but add. Fili nodded graciously.

“And met you. Speaking of which, do you come here often?”

“Bombur’s one of my mates from college. I think I was his first customer, back when he opened up this place. And of course once I started coming here, I never stopped. Even helped him redecorate the place.” Kili glanced around fondly at the interior before turning back to Fili. “I could introduce you to him next time if you want. I think you’d get along well.”

“Yeah? I’d love to meet him, this place is pretty amazing.”

Fili sounded cheerful and Kili couldn’t help but ask. 

“Cream. Good night or bad night?”

Fili looked at him in surprise before glancing down at his coffee, smiling.

“Definitely good.”

They left over an hour later, although not before exchanging numbers and agreeing to meet the following day for coffee. Fili texted him after forty minutes.

_Dilemma. Elderly neighbour just wished me happy birthday and gave me a cake. Birthday’s not for another five months. But cake._

It had been less than twenty four hours and he could already tell Fili was beginning to fill a major hole in his life he hadn’t realised had been missing.

 

* 

 

Fili started dropping by Bag End every other day after work. He finished a good two hours before Kili which meant more often than not he’d end up helping Kili and Bilbo sort books, stock the shelves and on particularly busy days even help out with the customers. And Fili was good with the customers too; his easy going nature, cheeky smile and genuine willingness to help meant they had a number of female (and male for that matter) customers asking after him on the days he didn’t visit. 

Bilbo was only half joking when he declared that he’d have to end up paying Fili soon. Fili waved the claim away with a laugh, saying he enjoyed helping them out. His eyes darted to Kili as he spoke, offering a tender smile. Kili’s heart fluttered pathetically in his chest as he returned the smile, trying to ignore the way Bilbo was smirking at them.

“You’ve got it _bad,_ ” Bilbo commented once when he caught Kili staring at a scarf Fili had left behind the previous day with a goofy smile.

“Shut up.”

At that moment Fili wandered in and Kili sat up straighter, hand flying to check his hair. Bilbo rolled his eyes and strode off, leaving them alone.

“Busy day?” Fili asked as he shucked off his coat, leaving him in jeans and a dark button down. The top two buttons were undone and Kili could see pale skin with a dusting of golden hair. He swallowed, throat suddenly dry. 

“Nah not really.” 

“Oh hey, my scarf! I was looking for this everywhere.” Fili wrapped the scarf gleefully around his neck, covering his chest and Kili breathed a mixed sigh of relief and disappointment. 

“So bad,” Bilbo muttered as he walked behind Kili, and was rewarded with a sharp elbow to the side.

Bilbo of course loved Fili. As did Ori and Bombur and practically everyone Kili introduced him to. Fili was a natural with people, somehow managing to coax Ori out of his shell, chatting excitedly with Bombur about some recipes he was trying. And he and Bilbo got along famously, Bilbo regaling Fili with what he described as the ‘best of’ Kili’s most embarrassing moments while Kili buried his head in his hands. 

It sometimes terrified Kili how quickly Fili seemed to have slotted himself into Kili’s life, easing effortlessly in as though he had always been there. And then there were moments like these, when Fili scooted to stand beside Kili, nudging his hip affectionately with a grin before greeting a customer, which made Kili’s heart swell with happiness.

 

*

 

“-he took two steps forward and collapsed onto the floor in front of _everyone._ ”

“He didn’t.”

“Someone panicked and called an ambulance. We had to explain to two very disgruntled paramedics that he’d just had too much to drink!”

Fili burst into peals of laughter, clutching his stomach as Kili glared at Bilbo. 

“I think we’ve taken enough trips down memory lane Bilbo,” he said through gritted teeth. Bilbo just gazed at him innocently, eyes wide.

“Oh but I haven’t even started on when you-”

“Excuse me,” a deep voice interrupted and they turned to find an incredibly tall dark haired man standing before them. Kili waited for Bilbo to begin his usual introductions only to find that Bilbo appeared incapable of speech, mouth slightly open as he continued to stare unashamedly at the man.

“How can we help you today?” Kili asked as Fili gave Bilbo a sharp jab in the side. 

“Your display. The one of Smaug.” 

“Oh yes, are you interested in pre-ordering the book? It comes out next week.” Bilbo had finally snapped out of whatever reverie he had been in, offering a cheerful, if slightly flustered smile to the stranger.

“No, I want you to take it down.” 

There was a silence during which Kili, Fili and Bilbo shot each other bemused looks.

“Is there- is there a problem with it?” Kili finally asked tentatively.

“The problem is that he’s a fraud who makes him money by stealing from others. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll take down that display.”

The man stalked off as quickly as he had entered, slamming the door behind him.

“Did he just threaten us?” Kili burst out as soon as the door closed. “Did he really just _threaten_ us?”

“Kili calm down, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Bilbo walked to the door, peering out. “Oh dear, he’s still outside.”

“What’s he doing?”

“He’s- well, he’s glaring at the display. Ooh, look at that scowl.”

“What did he mean, Smaug’s a fraud?” Fili wondered.

“What does it matter, he was clearly a raving lunatic. Who _threatens_ people these days?” Kili exclaimed, pacing back and forth. 

“Oh, he’s finally leaving,” Bilbo said sounding relieved and… slightly disappointed? Fili and Kili shared a glance.

“Bilbo,” Fili began slowly, edging around the counter.

“What?”

“You don’t- you don’t fancy him do you?”

“What?!” Bilbo squawked, rounding on them instantly. Fili flinched and hid behind Kili, who continued Fili’s line of thought. 

“It’s just that you seemed quite taken by him when he first came in and just now-”

“I wouldn’t- I would never- how can you _even_ -”

“Bilbo.” They both stared at him pointedly.

“He was terribly good looking,” Bilbo admitted glumly, hanging his head in despair. Fili started laughing as Kili took pity on his friend and patted him on the back.

“You really know how to pick them, don’t you.”

“Well, at least it’s a not a problem you seem to experience,” Bilbo muttered as his glaze slid pointedly between Kili and Fili. Kili stiffened and strode to the backroom, although not before delivering a ‘friendly’ punch to Bilbo’s shoulder.

“Ow! I could have you fired for that behaviour!”

“It really would be a more effective threat if you didn’t use it three times every day,” Fili commented.

“Point taken.” 

 

*

 

It was four days later, Bilbo had left early to attend a family dinner and Kili was stuck alone at Bag End trying not to die of boredom. 

“I am _starving,_ ” Fili proclaimed as he slumped dramatically against the counter, pouting at Kili.

“Well hello to you too.” Kili barely looked up from the crossword he was half heartedly attempting, trying not to reveal how pleased he was that Fili had finally arrived. Tip number three in Cosmo’s latest guide of ‘How to Get Your Man’: don’t be overly eager.

Not that Kili ever read Cosmo.

“Seriously, I haven’t eaten all day, I’m absolutely famished. One of my patients had a scare and it took ages to calm their family down and then the patient started getting all agitated, it was a complete nightmare.” Fili sounded utterly despondent, almost tearful as he raked a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up more than usual. 

Kili paused, finally looking up.

“There’s a new Thai restaurant a few blocks away. I heard it’s gotten pretty good reviews, we could go there after I finish,” he offered, reaching under the counter and pulling out a still hot Styrofoam coffee cup. Fili gaped at him and Kili shrugged.

“I had a ten minute break and I knew you’d be coming soon,” he explained as he slid the coffee over to Fili, who immediately took a sip and let out a frankly indecent moan of satisfaction, eyes closed in pleasure. Kili felt something stir low in his stomach and he hastily lowered his gaze back to his crossword. 

“You’re a life saver, I love you Kili,” Fili said seriously and Kili’s heart momentarily came to a halt.

“Umm so does seven sound good for dinner?” He asked once he could breathe again.

“Aww Kee, are you asking me out on a date?” Fili teasingly asked.

“If I were, what would your response be?” Kili challenged and _oh god where did that come from?_

“Yes,” Fili replied immediately, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Definitely yes.”

And Kili stopped breathing again.

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow writing parts of this was like extracting teeth. But it came together in the end (I think). Three guesses who our mystery man was!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is ridiculously short and I apologise profusely but I'm swamped with assignments so I thought it would be better to put this up as it is now rather than have you all wait for another week for me to write more. Thanks to everyone for all the feedback, you're all so lovely!

*

 

“This has been quite possibly the worst weather ever recorded for a first date,” Kili remarked as they huddled under the cover of his apartment, both soaking wet. The torrential downpour had started the moment they left the restaurant and having not had the foresight to bring an umbrella, the two resorted to hailing a taxi to get them home, though not before they were already drenched. 

“The food was nice though. And I can’t complain too much about the company,” Fili added as an afterthought with a cheeky grin, teeth chattering slightly as the cold seeped in. 

“Oh so you can complain a little about the company then,” Kili huffed in a mock hurt tone, shooting a wounded glare at Fili who merely chuckled. 

Dinner had been _wonderful._ Despite the last minute planning they’d managed to snag a cosy table in the corner of the well decorated, elegant yet comfy restaurant. There was a small candle in the centre of their table and the light from the flame danced across Fili’s face as he leant forward to speak, shone in his eyes as his pupils dilated to accommodate the dim lighting. Sometime during the night Fili’s hand ended up resting on the table and without a second thought Kili placed his hand on top, linking their fingers. He paused after the fact, glancing uncertainly at Fili and was met with a warm smile as Fili’s fingers tightened around his almost imperceptibly. 

And even though they had spent the last few weeks in each other’s company, they never seemed to run out of conversation. Kili had never found it so easy to speak to someone without feeling judged and Fili seemed truly interested in what he had to say whether it was about the latest show he had watched or some odd historical fact he’d read in a book. They fell into the easy conversations they always had but there was always that knowledge that this was something special, something a bit more and Kili found he loved it.

“I’ll admit the company was quite the highlight of the night,” Fili acquiesced with a warm smile, teeth still chattering as he almost unconsciously shuffled closer to Kili, seeking warmth. 

“We should go again one day,” he added almost as an afterthought and Kili hummed in agreement.

It was only then that he took notice of their close proximity. Fili’s face hovered a few inches from his, raindrops streaking down his forehead, cheeks, nose and lips. His hair was plastered to his head, several tufts sticking up in clumps from where he’d run his hands through it and his shirt was completely soaked through despite the coat he wore on top. To the average person on the street, he’d probably resemble a drowned rat. But Kili - Kili was currently hypnotised by the blue of Fili’s eyes, the way a rain drop slowly made its way down to perch upon Fili’s top lip, teetering precariously on the edge for a second before falling between his lips and suddenly Kili was very jealous of that raindrop. 

Kili ducked his head, nose brushing slowly against Fili’s as a warning. _If I’ve read the signals wrong, if this isn’t what you want, you can pull back now._ But Fili remained as he was, eyelids fluttering closed as his lips parted open slightly, an invitation. And Kili certainly wasn’t going to say no.

As far as first kisses go, it wasn’t anything particularly special. Slightly uncoordinated, chaste, too short. But it opened something between them, crossed the invisible line they’d been dancing around for months as Fili pulled Kili down for another kiss with a soft groan, fingers curling around the lapels of Kili’s coat. Kili’s own hands drifted up to Fili’s jaw, cupping his face between his fingers as the kiss grew deeper, all flushed cheeks and short heated breaths. 

It was Fili who eventually pulled away, resting his forehead against Kili’s as they struggled to catch their breath. Fili’s mouth was still only millimetres away, lips swelling and ever so inviting but Kili quashed down the urge, instead focusing on his fingers which traced over Fili’s cheekbones. They stood in silence for a moment, fingers still curled around each other before Fili sighed and released his hold on Kili’s jacket, stepping back.

“I should go home,” he said regretfully.

“Sure you don’t want to come in for a coffee?” Kili asked somewhat hopefully but Fili shook his head.

“If I come up, and I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, I think we’d end up doing a lot more than drink coffee. And I want to, you have no idea how much I want to, but I’ve been in whirlwind relationships before and they’ve never ended well. I don’t want this-” he gestured between them “-to end like those.”

Kili managed a smile despite his disappointment. “That is a little presumptuous,” he teased.

“I know,” Fili groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, I just-”

“I understand.” Kili cut him off gently. 

“You probably think I’m some sappy teenage girl,” Fili bemoaned.

“Well…” Kili trailed off, grinning.

“Shut up,” Fili laughed as he pushed Kili lightly. Kili rocked back on his heels before moving forward again, reaching out once more to grab hold of Fili and pull him in for another kiss. 

“I really want this to work,” Fili murmured quietly against his lips as they parted and Kili felt himself shiver, though whether from the cold or from Fili’s words he wasn’t sure. Fili smirked and moved back again. 

“You should go inside, you’re freezing,” he said, pushing his hands into his pockets. 

“What about you, how are you going to get home? It’s still pouring,” Kili noted. 

“I’ll just catch a taxi, they’re all over the place at this time.” Fili waved his finger behind him to the top of the street where sure enough, a taxi drove past. Kili nodded reluctantly, fingers curling around the cold keys in his pocket. A hot shower and soft bed beckoned invitingly but Kili stood where he was, feeling a sudden loss of warmth that had nothing to do with the weather. 

Fili walked down the stairs and onto the pavement, looking back at Kili with a soft smile as he was once again drenched by the seemingly never ending rain. Kili’s heart did a little stutter in his chest and suddenly he was running down the stairs as well, rain pounding against his back. 

“Wait!” He yelled and Fili turned around with a look of surprise. Kili collided with him, hands fisting in the back of Fili’s coat as he kissed him, all teeth and tongue as Fili’s hands wound around his neck, pulling him down closer. The rain was fiercely cold against his skin, trickling uncomfortably down his back, soaking his hair. Fili’s touch scorched in comparison, hands burning a trail across the back of his neck, his jaw, his cheeks, leaving him completely breathless. When they finally broke apart they were more drenched than they had been before, gasping for breath and getting mouthfuls of water instead.

“What was that for?” Fili asked, hand still curled around the base of Kili’s neck.

Kili shrugged, offering Fili a shy smile instead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said softly.

“Get out of those wet clothes and take a shower immediately,” Fili ordered, although he couldn’t seem to stop himself from kissing Kili one last time, couldn’t wipe the goofy smile off his face as he left. Kili was sure the same ridiculous grin was plastered across his own face, continued to stay there as he walked up the stairs, as he entered his apartment and leant against the door, head tilted back as he let out a laugh of delight, feeling completely and utterly breathless.

 

*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh this is so late I'm so sorry. Life has been so hectic but I've finally finished all my assignments so hopefully it won't take me so long to update anymore! I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors: it's 1 AM and I'm exhausted.

*

Fili didn’t come to Bag End the next day. Kili waited impatiently as the clock ticked past, pen tapping rhythmically against the corner of the counter as his eyes flickered between his mobile and the door. Bilbo eyed him irritably. 

_Tap tap tap tap._

“Can you stop doing that?” He finally snapped and Kili startled, accidentally letting go of the pen.

“Doing what?” He asked blankly. 

“ _That._ The pen thing, it’s driving me crazy!”

Kili bashfully put the pen to one side, placing his hands firmly on the counter so as not to give into temptation. This lasted all of half a minute before his fingernails started tapping nervously against the counter, the hollow sound even louder. Bilbo let out a cry of frustration, throwing his hands up. 

_“Kili!”_

“Sorry!”

The door opened suddenly and they both turned in anticipation but it was only a customer who looked rather startled at the sudden attention placed on her. Bilbo offered her a kind smile before turning back to Kili.

“You’re scaring the customers,” he scolded. 

“Sorry,” Kili repeated even as his eyes remained on the door. 

“If you’re so worried why don’t you just call him?” Bilbo suggested somewhat sarcastically, but Kili shook his head. 

“I’m not his dad, I don’t need to know where he is at all hours of the day,” he muttered but his eyes flicked back to the clock again, then to the door. Bilbo heaved a sigh, running a hand through his curly hair. 

“Okay, did you do anything that might upset him? 

“No, completely the opposite, we-” and Kili paused.

“You what?” Bilbo probed. 

“We err- we actually went on a date,” Kili mumbled, bashfully scratching his ear. Bilbo’s eyes were as round as tennis balls.

“Finally!” He exclaimed, lightly punching Kili’s shoulder. “Good for you!”

“Thanks,” Kili muttered embarrassedly. 

“So how did it go?”

“It was- it was great,” Kili recalled with a smile and Bilbo rolled his eyes. 

“You two are going to be unbearable cute together,” he complained but there was a large smile spread across his face. It slowly faded as he stared at Kili. “Wait, if it went great them why isn’t Fili here?”

“I don’t know. Maybe something’s happened. Maybe he’s been in an accident or- or there was some family emergency or-”

“Kili, you need to call him,” Bilbo interrupted gently. 

“Maybe our date didn’t go that well. Maybe he just said all those things to make me feel better when really-”

“Kili. _Call him._ ”

Kili glanced once more at the clock; Fili was over an hour late. The one time Fili had been late before he’d rung in advance and brought over a cupcake as an apology; it had been tooth achingly sweet and Kili hadn’t been able to stop grinning for the rest of the day. Kili’s stomach lurched slightly with worry and he reached for his phone, moving towards the backroom for privacy. Bilbo gave his shoulder a pat of reassurance as he passed, phone pressed to ear. 

Their backroom was packed with books still in boxes. Kili perched on one precariously, listening as his phone continued to ring. And ring, and ring. He was about to hang up when the call connected. 

“Kili?” Fili asked and Kili sat up straighter, placing a steadying hand on the box he was seated on. 

“Hey yeah, it’s me,” Kili replied, the knot of worry in his stomach loosening slightly. 

“I was just about to call you, I didn’t even realise what time it was. I’m so sorry, one of my patients took a turn for the worse and she has no family, they’re all on holidays and I’ve been trying to reach them but there’s no reply and I don’t know what to do, I can’t leave her alone-” Fili’s words started to meld together and he sounded frustrated and stressed and Kili’s heart went out to him. 

“Hey, slow down okay. Just breathe,” Kili coached and Fili snorted. 

“I’m fine Kili,” he chided but his breathing became slower, voice steadier as he took Kili’s advice. 

“Okay, talk to me. What’s going on?”

Fili heaved a sigh. 

“One of my patients has been doing really well lately, and her family went on a short trip to the coast. But today her health just dropped, it was completely unexpected, and I don’t- god, I don’t think she’s got much longer to live. And her family’s not picking up their phones, I’ve tried everything. They’re not due to be back until the day after tomorrow.”

There was a heavy silence before Kili exhaled. 

“That sucks,” he muttered and Fili barked out a harsh laugh. 

“Yeah.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll stay here I suppose. I don’t want to leave her, not like this.”

“Are you with her right now?”

“No, I’m in the kitchen, she’s sleeping right now.”

“Okay. Well if there’s anything I can do to help…”

Fili laughed again but this time it was gentle, soft. 

“That’s sweet. Just calling me helped, thank you.”

Kili nodded before realising Fili couldn’t see him. 

“I just got worried, because you were late and you’re never late and I just wasn’t sure if it was something about last night and you didn’t want to see me or if something bad had happened-” Kili knew he was rambling even as he spoke but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

“I had a really great time last night,” Fili said softly and something swelled in Kili’s chest. 

“I did too,” he managed to get out. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come in today.”

“Fili don’t be ridiculous, you’re doing your job. That takes priority.”

“Still. Oh hang on, I think she’s waking up, Kili I have to go, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s fine. Call if you need anything yeah?”

“Will do.”

Kili hung up and ventured back to the counter. Bilbo stared at him expectantly. 

“He’s stuck at work,” Kili explained and Bilbo nodded. 

“I told you it was nothing.”

Kili could only hope that was true.

 

*

 

He woke at three, mind swarming, fingers itching. Perhaps it was the stress of Fili’s predicament but his sketch was hastier than usual, crude in comparison to others he had drawn. It was a new image, one he’d never seen before and the image flickered in his mind, leaving parts of the sketch unfinished, lines leading to nowhere. 

It was the same battlefield from before as far as he could tell but there was another man there, an older injured man with long dark hair lying on the ground. The first man- _his_ man- was holding a defensive stance, weapons held in front of him. What Kili found strange was that he was not standing in front of the injured man as he should be, instead too much to one side, closer to Kili’s line of vision and it suddenly struck him that perhaps the man was defending more than one person. 

That perhaps he was defending Kili.

He stared at the picture for a long time before carefully placing it into his drawer.

 

*

 

“Hey Kili, how are you?” Ori asked him with a bright smile the following day.

Kili was unable to stop himself from yawning, hurriedly covering his mouth with his hand.

“Hey Ori, sorry, I’m absolutely knackered,” he replied tiredly. He’d woken up earlier than normal to allow himself some time to check up on Fili, who was still with his patient. Her family still hadn’t replied and the patient was clinging to life but Fili was sure she wouldn’t last more than a few hours. The exhaustion had been evident in his voice and he’d clearly gotten even less sleep than Kili, who had spent a good two hours tossing around in bed trying to get the picture out of his mind.

“Rough night?” Ori asked sympathetically. 

“Yeah, you could say that.” 

Over the past two weeks or so Ori had suddenly opened up to Kili, no longer blushing when he spoke and actually initiating conversations. Kili had wondered at this sudden change, and what had brought it on. He figured it out soon enough though, when Ori got all flustered the moment Dwalin, their new stock delivery man, walked through the door. They’d only hired him a few weeks back but he fit in well, gruff and slightly terrifying at first but once you looked beyond that he was a right softy with a great sense of humour. It appeared Ori had discovered the same or perhaps he just liked his men gruff and terrifying (although considering he had been attracted to Kili, that didn’t seem likely). 

Pushing aside his own worries, Kili decided to begin operation Get Ori and Dwalin Together. Which might be harder that it sounded, considering Ori flushed bright red and became incomprehensible the moment Dwalin _stepped_ into the shop. 

Kili sidled up to Ori who was standing by a bookshelf discreetly watching as Dwalin lowered books onto the floor.

“So. Dwalin eh?” He asked conversationally and Ori jumped, hand flying to his chest. 

“Kili! Oh goodness you gave me a fright,” he admonished. 

“Sorry. I guess you were too caught up staring.”

“I wasn’t staring, I was just….” Ori trailed off, eyes darting to the sides as though seeking another possible explanation as to why he was hiding behind a bookshelf. 

“Ori, it’s fine. You should go talk to him.”

Ori’s eyes widened. 

“I couldn’t!” He protested.

“You can and you should.”

“What would I even say?”

“I don’t know, strike up a casual conversation. Ask him about books.”

“But what if he doesn’t like books?”

“Then ask him about something else. Ori, he’s a normal human being, I’m sure you’ll find something you both have in common. But for now, try introducing yourself.”

“Introducing myself,” Ori repeated, looking terrified.

“Yes. Hi my name’s Ori, you know the drill.”

“Right. Yes, of course.”

It took Ori another five minutes to work up the nerve to step out from behind the shelf and approach Dwalin. Kili watched from behind the shelf as Ori stepped up behind Dwalin and waited for him to turn around. Which he did, rather abruptly, startling Ori and consequently himself. 

“Oh!” Ori cried out in pain as Dwalin dropped several books on his foot.

“Wha-” Dwalin leapt back in shock before hastily bending to retrieve the books. “What are you doing, standing right behind me?”

“I- I was just- I- hi?” Ori offered, tears welling up in his eyes from pain or embarrassment, Kili wasn’t sure.

Dwalin stared at him speechlessly for several long moments and Kili was considering intercepting and stealing Ori and perhaps offering him counselling when Dwalin’s face broke into a grin. 

“Hi,” he replied, voice gentler than Kili would expect to hear from such a large man. “Is your foot okay?”

“It’s fine, probably just a bit bruised-”

“No here, let me look,” Dwalin offered and helped Ori limp over to the nearest chair. Kili meanwhile was doing a little victory dance behind the bookshelf. He watched as Dwalin gentle eased Ori’s shoe off before deciding to give the two some privacy, and instead went to find Bilbo to brag about his accomplishment. 

 

*

 

They were closing up when Fili came in, the cheerful bell announcing his presence a stark contrast to his face, pale and drawn, body slumped forward. Kili immediately dropped the catalogue he was holding and rushed forward to grip Fili’s shoulder. 

“Did she-?” He didn’t even get to finish the sentence before Fili was nodding and it was only at a close distance that Kili could see his eyes, red rimmed and oh so tired. Kili wrapped one arm around Fili’s neck, pulling him in closer as the other wound across his back and Fili slumped against him, body trembling with emotion or exhaustion, Kili couldn’t tell. He could feel Fili’s fingers twisting into the folds of his sweater as he buried his face into the crook of Kili’s neck and if Kili felt Fili shudder slightly, felt a few tear drops slide down his neck he said nothing, instead resting his cheek against Fili’s hair.

“Sorry,” Fili mumbled into his neck and his warm breath tickled Kili’s throat. 

“Don’t be stupid,” was Kili’s reply. He tightened his grip on Fili, turning to press a light kiss to his hair.

“Fili!” Bilbo greeted cheerfully although his smile faded the moment he saw Fili. “What happened?”

Fili pulled back slightly from Kili’s embrace, enough that he could see Bilbo whilst still staying as close to Kili as he could. 

“Just a work related thing, it’s nothing,” he said lightly, trying to smile. Bilbo opened his mouth to retaliate but Kili shook his head gently, eyes pleading. Bilbo paused and then nodded. 

“Well I hope you feel better, we’ve missed you around here,” he replied with a kind smile.

“Thanks Bilbo,” Fili said softly. Bilbo left to go home with a pointed glance at Kili. _You take care of him._

“How do you feel about a coffee?” Kili suggested but Fili shook his head.

“I just want to sleep forever and forget everything,” he mumbled as he sank back into Kili’s embrace, eyes already closed. Kili didn’t object, wrapping his arms around Fili as they stood there for several minutes until he realised that Fili’s breathing had evened out, that his head was resting rather heavily in the crook of Kili’s neck. 

“Hey, you can’t sleep here,” Kili said as he gently shook Fili’s shoulder. Fili grumbled but reluctantly opened his eyes, blinking at Kili. 

“Come on, we’ll go back to my place,” Kili decided and that was that. It was a slow walk; Fili was lethargic from lack of sleep and emotionally drained. Kili pondered getting a taxi but figured the fresh air would do Fili good after being cooped up indoors for two days. They eventually wound up at Kili’s apartment and Fili was immediately manhandled to the couch, a hot cup of tea pressed into his hands. Kili sat beside him, looking on worriedly as Fili took small disheartened sips of his tea. 

They was a long silence until Fili finally began to speak.

“She was all alone. She was 90 and she died alone.” 

“She wasn’t alone. She had you,” Kili said soothingly and Fili snorted. 

“I’m just her nurse. I don’t think I’m the person she had in mind to be with her on her death bed.” He placed his half drunk cup of tea on the coffee table before pulling his legs up onto the couch, knees to chest. Kili frowned at the statement.

“And I think you underestimate how important the knowledge that one person cares about you can be. She may not have had her family with her but you were there. You cared enough to stay, and I think she would have appreciated that.” He reached for one of Fili’s hands, intertwining their fingers before looking back up. Fili’s gaze slid from their hands to Kili’s face before he slumped against Kili’s side.

“They already took her body. When her family comes back- they’re going to be devastated.” His voice cracked and his grip on Kili’s hand tightened slightly. Kili didn’t reply, just rubbed this thumb soothingly against Fili’s knuckle.

“I just wish there was something more I could have done,” Fili whispered, eyes squeezed tightly shut but a single teardrop managed to escape, sliding down his cheek. Kili wiped it away with his free hand before cupping Fili’s cheek, forcing Fili to look at him. Fili’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears and lack of sleep and Kili placed a soft kiss to Fili’s lips. 

“You did everything you could. You can’t blame yourself for what happened, okay?” He breathed against Fili’s lips before pressing his forehead to Fili’s. “Death is a natural part of life and people face it every day. Your patient was lucky enough that you were there to face it with her, that you made her feel safe and comfortable and _loved_ when her family couldn’t. You did an amazing thing today and you should be proud of yourself and proud of what you’ve done.”

Fili let out a muffled sob as he flung his arms around Kili. 

“Thank you,” he whispered into Kili’s ear. 

They remained on the couch for the rest of the night, Fili soon caving in to his exhaustion and falling asleep curled in Kili’s arms. 

 

*


	6. Chapter 6

*

 

“I want to see your art,” Fili begged with a slight pout. 

“It’s not that good.”

“If I recall correctly, you said you were a good artist when we first met. Come on Kee, I’ve known you for five months now. I think I deserve to see your art.”

“You should, it’s brilliant,” Bilbo piped up. 

“You, shut it,” Kili pointed with a glare. It had been a long day, customers streaming in after the release of some hyped up teen romance novel. They had finally closed up and Kili was looking forward to a calm, relaxing weekend holed up in his apartment. Or Fili’s, he wasn’t too bothered.

“He has these dreams and then he draws them, it’s incredible. Wish I had dreams like that. And could draw like that.”

“How come Bilbo’s seen them and I haven’t? That’s not fair!”

“I’ve known him for longer.”

“It’s still not fair!”

Kili threw his hands in the air in exasperation. 

“I’m surrounded by children!” He exclaimed loudly. Fili, perched atop the counter, used his calves to manoeuvre Kili until his back was pressed to Fili’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Kili’s torso as he rested his chin on Kili’s shoulder. 

“Please?” He wheedled into Kili’s ear and Kili shivered as the warm breath tickled his skin. “Pretty please?” His lips moved to graze against Kili’s neck and Kili’s hands instinctively flew to grasp Fili’s forearms as he ducked his head, struggling not to laugh or moan or let out some strange combination of the two. 

“Oi, keep it G rated in here thank you very much,” Bilbo scolded, lightly tossing a balled up tissue at them. 

“Oh gross, please tell me that’s not used,” Fili complained, glaring at Bilbo. 

Bilbo shrugged, giving them a rather terrifying grin.

“Nah, Bilbo’s too hygienic to be tossing dirty tissues around,” Kili said decidedly. 

“I resent that.” 

“Doesn’t stop it from being true.”

Bilbo huffed, shooing them out of the shop. 

“Have a good weekend!” He called out as they left. 

“You too!” They chimed together, beaming at each other. 

They had only made it one street over when Fili pulled Kili into the nearest empty alleyway, pressed him against the wall and snogged him senseless. When he pulled away several minutes later Kili was left in a daze, brain turned to mush and seeing stars. 

“So?” Fili probed.

“Wha- what was the question?” Kili managed to get out and Fili _laughed,_ the bastard. 

“Can I come see your art?” He asked, a hopeful expression spread across his face. 

“You are incredibly determined to see it.”

“Of course I am. I’ve seen all the little caricatures of our customers you’ve doodled on napkins; I want to see what you can do on a _real_ piece of paper.”

Kili laughed despite himself, cocking his head to one side. 

“Fine,” he eventually decided. “Fine, come to my apartment tomorrow and I’ll show you.”

Fili’s smile could light up the sky. 

 

*

 

“Kili,” Fili said slowly as he brushed a finger gently over the edge of a sketch. “Kili, these are incredible.”

He was standing in the room Kili kept all his artwork in, the drawings and paintings he’d done based on his midnight sketches. Kili usually kept the door closed; most people assumed it was a linen closet or something equally unimportant. The only other person who had ever been inside was Bilbo.

“You’re just saying that,” Kili chided even as he felt his cheeks flush. Fili shook his head.

“No I mean it, these- I’ve never seen anything like it.” His voice was slightly awestruck as he moved to the next painting, the shadowed forest. _Mirkwood,_ Kili had labelled it, although he had no idea where the name had come from. The forest was coloured sinister shades of purple and brown, the ground oddly free of undergrowth. There were overly large spider webs sprawled across the trees, smothering the branches, coating the ground and creating an altogether unsettling image. Kili couldn’t look at it without feeling a sense of trepidation.

“You see these in your dreams?” Fili asked, turning to face Kili. 

“Dreams, nightmares, whatever you want to call them,” Kili shrugged. Fili turned back to the painting.

“I have a friend who runs art exhibitions every few months. He’s been looking to display work from new up and coming artists; if you let me show him some of your work, I think he’d be interested.” 

Fili turned around again when Kili didn’t respond. 

“Kili?”

“Are you serious?” Kili asked slowly. Fili frowned. 

“Of course.”

“That would be- you really think he’d be interested in these?” Kili couldn’t help the disbelief that seeped into his words. 

“You’re kidding, right? I’m not exactly an expert on art and even I can tell these are remarkable. Why haven’t you tried to sell them before?”

“They’re not that good,” Kili muttered, embarrassed. Fili shook his head in wonder as he moved to stand before Kili, tugging at his belt loops until their hips were pressed flush together. He nosed at Kili’s neck before pressing an open mouthed kiss to his jaw, sucking lightly on the skin there.

“They are. They’re amazing. _You’re_ amazing, you know that?” He murmured against Kili’s skin, warm breath causing a shiver of arousal to shoot up Kili’s spine. Kili responded with a low groan, hands sliding around Fili’s back to pull him even closer. As his hand fisted in Fili’s shirt, he twisted his head to press a firm kiss to Fili’s lips, parting his lips before drawing back slowly. 

Fili’s eyes were hooded, darkened with desire and tinged with curiosity at what Kili would do next. Smirking slightly at the sudden power he held, Kili nudged Fili’s nose with his own, once, twice, before allowing their lips to meet again. It was slow and heady, feeling Fili’s hand slide along his body as he caught Kili’s bottom lip between his teeth, the slide of tongues as his own hand moved to tangle itself in Fili’s hair. The muscles in Fili’s back were taut beneath his hand, rippling as Fili shifted against him, drawing him close. Every nerve on Kili’s body was at attention, wanting, _needing_ more and their kisses gradually changed from slow and gentle to something rougher, more desperate. 

“Kili,” Fili whispered breathlessly against his lips and Kili could _feel_ the desire swallowing him whole and it terrified him, the craving that coursed through his veins, threatened to overtake him. He paused, lips hovering uncertainly over Fili’s as they breathed the same air, cradling Fili’s face in his palm. 

“Kili,” Fili breathed again, his pupils dilated so only a hint of blue could be seen around the edges. He tilted his head to press a soft kiss to Kili’s wrist, tongue smoothing over Kili’s racing pulse. Kili involuntarily whimpered at the feeling and Fili’s eyes snapped back to his own, leaning forward to ghost his lips against Kili’s and Kili couldn’t resist any longer, throwing all caution to the wind as he gave in to the overpowering want.

Using his height to his advantage, he pushed Fili backwards until he was pressed against the nearest wall. His hands travelled to Fili’s waist, holding him tightly in place as Fili gripped his shoulders. Kili’s lips travelled down Fili’s neck, hard bruising kisses that left their mark. He nipped at the last one just above Fili’s collarbone, soothing the stinging bite with his tongue before Fili dragged him up for another kiss, teeth clacking messily together. 

His senses were overloaded with Fili’s touch, his scent, his _everything._ All he could feel were Fili’s lips moulding against his own, the warmth that spread through his body everywhere Fili touched him. All he could hear in the quiet room were Fili’s soft pants against his mouth, the moan that left his lips when Kili slid a hand beneath his shirt to caress his warm skin, fingernails leaving a stinging trail. It was overwhelming, the way his heart was pounding, his pulse racing, his head spinning and it was _Fili_ who was causing it. 

He could feel Fili too, hard against his thigh, could feel his own length straining uncomfortably against his jeans. His brain knew they should stop while they could, that rushing into things would probably only end in embarrassment and regret but his body refused to listen, instead rolling his hips against Fili’s and listening in delight at the stuttered groan that left Fili’s lips. 

“God, _Kili._ ” 

“Hmm?” Kili commented innocently as he rocked against Fili again, this time with more intensity. Fili’s hands scrambled for purchase, sliding from his shoulders to cup the back of Kili’s neck, gripping the hair there as his breathing grew shallow, panting loudly into Kili’s mouth and it felt like heaven.

“You’re such a goddam tease,” he said breathlessly against Kili’s lips. Kili rolled his hips a third time, Fili meeting him half way and eliciting a shared groan from them both, and was about to speak when a sudden vibration emanating from his pocket coursed through their lower regions.

“Oh God,” Fili moaned as the back of his head hit the wall with a loud _thunk,_ although Kili wasn’t sure if it was because of the vibration or the fact that his phone was ringing at such an inopportune moment. Cursing, he pushed himself slightly away from Fili, fingers fumbling to find the right button. 

“Hello?” He got out, wincing at the rawness of his voice. Fili’s head was still pressed to the wall, baring his neck as he struggled to slow his breathing and Kili had to fight down a sudden to urge to press his lips to the soft skin.

“Kili, it’s Bilbo. Oh dear, this is all so rushed, I hardly know where to start-” Bilbo sounded incredibly flustered and Kili could picture him rushing around the shop, flapping his hands in panic. 

“Bilbo, calm down. Start from the beginning,” he coached even as Fili pulled him closer again, pressing slow, wet kisses to his jaw.

“Something’s happened- my nephew, Frodo- I know it’s your day off, but I have no one else to run the shop-” 

“Bilbo. Do you need me to come in?” Kili asked, tilting his head to allow Fili better access, and Bilbo heaved a sigh. 

“Yes. I know you must be busy, I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay,” Kili reassured, barely stopping himself from groaning as Fili’s tongue flicked at one of the love bites littering his neck. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“I’ll owe you forever,” Bilbo said gratefully before hanging up. With a sigh Kili pocketed his phone once more, fingers gripping Fili’s shirt tightly.

“You have to go to work?” Fili asked as he pulled away, licking his lips. 

“Yeah, Bilbo’s having a crisis. I’m sorry; this isn’t how I’d hoped the rest of the day would go…” Kili’s voice trailed off as he glanced at Fili. His lips were flushed and swollen, one side of his neck littered with love bites, his hair a right mess. He looked utterly _debauched,_ and Kili was in half a mind to throw aside his responsibilities and have Fili right there and then. But then Fili smiled, reaching up to smooth Kili’s hair into a somewhat presentable fashion.

“You might want to change your shirt before you head off,” he murmured as he pressed a soft kiss to Kili’s neck. Kili shook his head.

“I don’t care if people know,” he replied and the look Fili shot him was an endearing mixture of confusion and happiness. He reached out to rub a finger against Kili’s neck, smirking slightly.

“It looks like you’ve been attacked by something,” he commented as he traced the outline of one of the marks. 

“You’re definitely a something.” 

“Shut up. Do you want me to come with you?”

“I think I can manage the shop alone for a few hours. Besides, aren’t you meant to be meeting a new patient soon?”

Fili glanced at his watch and groaned.

“We’ll have to continue this later,” Kili muttered lowly and Fili’s eyes snapped back to his.

“That’s definitely something I won’t say no to.”

“Yeah I thought not.”

“I’d also like to see some more of your art,” Fili commented and Kili shook his head in disbelief. 

“I can’t believe you seriously think its good enough to show your friend.”

“I can’t believe you _don’t_ think its good enough. It’s amazing. And I’m not just saying that, it really is. You truly are an incredible person Kili.”

And Kili couldn’t think of anything to say because Fili sounded so certain, so sure of what he was saying. It had been a long time since he’d had someone sincerely believe in him that much. Instead of trying to explain his appreciation through words he pressed his lips to Fili’s, coaxing his mouth open with his tongue. Fili’s hand brushed lightly over his cheekbone, cupping his face as he deepened the kiss. 

Eventually Fili pulled away, albeit reluctantly. 

“You should be going to work,” he reminded Kili, who was startled into action. 

“Oh right, I totally forgot,” he panicked as he ran to grab his wallet and keys. Fili followed him downstairs to the door of Kili’s building, trying to fix his own hair with little success. They both hesitated once outside, unsure of how to progress. 

“Bag End’s this way,” Kili said as he gestured behind him with a thumb.

“And I’m going this way,” Fili replied, pointing in the opposite direction. 

There was a pause before Kili grabbed Fili’s shirt and dragged him forward for one last kiss, uncaring of who saw them. 

“I’ll see you soon,” he murmured against Fili’s lips as he drew back with a sigh. 

“You’d better,” Fili said softly. 

 

*

 

When Kili arrived at Bag End fifteen minutes later, Bilbo took one look at him and nearly fell over in relief. 

“You’re finally here oh thank goodness-”

“I’m sorry Bilbo, I just had to take care of a few things.”

“A few-” It was only then that Bilbo seemed to notice the marks on Kili’s neck, his still swollen lips.

“Were you- were you with Fili?” He practically squawked. “Oh my God you were! Did I completely ruin your chances? You should have said something on the phone, I could have- well I’m sure I could get someone else to-”

“Bilbo, it’s alright. Yes, I was with Fili. And I’ll tell you all about it later but don’t you have to go?” Kili asked pointedly. Bilbo started, eyes wide. 

“Oh my goodness yes, Frodo!” Bilbo bolted to the door, nearly crashing into one of their displays. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, but if-”

“Bilbo, I’ll lock up if you’re not back by closing time, its fine. Now go!” Kili urged and Bilbo ran out the door, muttering something about a cab. 

Shaking his head, Kili headed to the counter with a smile he just couldn’t shake off. There was a warm feeling in his stomach and his lips were still tingling. He raised a finger to brush against them lightly, smiling wider. 

“Get a grip,” he scolded himself, glancing around the shop to make sure there were no customers nearby to witness his unusual giddiness. It was at that moment his phone buzzed with a message. Kili glanced at the screen, Fili’s name flashing. 

_Miss you,_ his phone read. 

_It’s been twenty minutes,_ he sent back with a smile.

_I know,_ came the instant reply and Kili felt on top of the world.

 

*

 

Bilbo returned five minutes before Kili closed the shop, looking utterly devastated.

“Is Frodo alright?” Kili asked immediately. He’d met six year old Frodo several times before, had even helped Bilbo babysit the curly haired lad once or twice. He’d enjoyed Frodo’s curiosity, admired the wisdom he seemed to possess even at such a young age.

“There was a car accident,” Bilbo mumbled as he sat in the chair behind the counter, cradling his head in his hands. “Frodo-”

“He’s not-” Kili began, horrified, but Bilbo shook his head.

“He’s fine. Slightly concussed, a few scratches but he’s fine. They want to keep him in overnight for observation.”

“Well that’s good,” Kili encouraged but Bilbo’s face was still one of despair.

“My sister and her husband though. They didn’t- they’re not-”

“Oh Bilbo,” Kili whispered. 

“They’re dead,” Bilbo got out before burying his face in his hands. Kili immediately rushed to his side, kneeling on the floor as he wrapping his arms around Bilbo’s shoulders. 

“Bilbo, I’m so sorry,” he said quietly. Bilbo let out a muffled sob into his hands and Kili tightened his grip, pulling Bilbo forward until his head rested on Kili’s shoulder. “I’m so, so sorry.”

They remained in that position for some time, Bilbo’s shoulders heaving with silent sobs as Kili knelt beside him, doing his best to offer comfort. Bilbo eventually pulled away, struggling to compose himself.

“What- what happens to Frodo now?” Kili asked hesitantly, unsure whether to broach the subject. Bilbo sniffed, rubbing at his eyes.

“I don’t know. We don’t have any other family, if I don’t take him he’ll probably end up in foster care.”

“So you’re going to take him?”

“How can I though? I don’t know the first thing about looking after children, let alone one who’s just lost his own parents!”

Bilbo rose from the chair, pacing nervously. 

“What if I accidentally screw him up or something? What if I’m not a good parent and he ends up on drugs and gets in with the wrong crowd and then goes to jail oh God-”

“Woah Bilbo, calm down,” Kili urged, slightly alarmed. “Frodo’s six years old okay, you don’t have to worry about all that for a long time. What he needs right now though is family, and you’re all he has left.”

Bilbo stared at him silently before collapsing into the chair once more. 

“You’re right, of course you’re right. How could I leave him?” He mumbled, half to himself. Kili rubbed a soothing hand over Bilbo’s shoulder.

“And you won’t be alone either. I’ll help you, and Fili will too, I’m sure of it.”

Bilbo looked up, teary eyed. 

“Kili my boy,” he choked, suddenly looking ten years older. “What would I do without you?”

Kili had no reply, instead patting Bilbo’s shoulder reassuringly once more before standing up to ring Fili. The next few days were going to be particularly trying for them all.

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because this was the second chapter I ever wrote and has therefore been sitting here completed for weeks now.


	7. Chapter 7

*

 

The following two weeks were probably the hardest Kili had ever worked. 

Bilbo had taken two weeks off to plan and attend the funeral for his sister and brother-in-law. This was mostly done over the phone at the hospital where he remained with Frodo, talking to relatives and other connections he had back home. He’d already booked a flight back and had his spare room refurbished into a child’s bedroom. 

This left Kili in charge of Bag End, a responsibility which he found both thrilling and terrifying. He’d never quite realised the extent of work Bilbo did; ordering in books, dealing with payments and taxes as well as his usual customer service. He was working longer hours, forced to wake up earlier to open up the shop and leave later to close up. To top it all, his dreams were coming back in full force, urging him awake at odd hours of the morning to sketch a mountain pass with tiny figures clinging to the sides of cliff faces, some sort of jail cell with shadowy figures hovering outside, several barrels tossed around a river.

His latest dream had been one of the worst. Kili had woken with the sound of drumming and ominous low chanting still in his head. His sketch, when he had finally stopped his fingers from shaking, showed a small group of people being surrounded by not-quite-humanoid creatures. From Kili’s perspective he could only see a select few people in front of him but he somehow knew there were a lot more behind him. The odd thing was that several of the people Kili drew looking strangely familiar. He was almost certain Ori was standing near him, and someone who looked a lot like Dwalin slightly further away. And then there was the man standing directly in front of him and Kili knew him, but he didn’t know from where. 

As Christmas drew closer the number of customers more than tripled and they were busy from the moment Bag End opened to the minute they closed up. Thankfully Bilbo had the foresight to bring in Bofur, a part time employee, to help out every day. Bofur’s cheerful attitude and proclivity to burst out into Christmas carols made the long hours bearable. They spent the day joking around, trying to make the best of stressful situations and drinking way too much coffee to be healthy.

And then of course there was Fili. Kili honestly wouldn’t have made it through without Fili by his side. Fili, who despite having his own job came in everyday to help out as soon as he was finished, weekends included. Kili knew Fili was getting just as little sleep as he was, the bags under his eyes clear evidence, but somehow Fili managed to retain his cheeriness, joining in with Bofur’s carolling, chatting with customers and just generally keeping Kili’s mood up. For that, Kili was eternally gratefully because he knew he was in danger of becoming something of a grouch when lacking sleep. 

On top of all their work which was now taking up the majority of their time, they also had to check up on Bilbo and Frodo before they left for the funeral. Despite the initial assessment that he only needed to stay in hospital overnight, Frodo remained in hospital for a further five days due to worries about potential head injuries. 

He and Fili had visited Frodo on his third night in hospital, managing to squeeze in an hour or so before visiting hours ended. Bilbo had offered them a grateful smile before reassuringly patting Frodo’s leg as he rose to no doubt get some much needed caffeine.

“Hey Frodo,” Kili said gently as he sat down in the vacated chair beside Frodo’s bed. “Do you remember me?”

Frodo’s eyes were massive as he stared unblinkingly at Kili. There was a long pause before he nodded, licking his lips. 

“Kili,” he whispered and Kili couldn’t help but smile. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” he replied somewhat proudly. “You were a lot smaller when I last saw you. Had less hair too.”

“I have to get a haircut soon. Mum said-” and Frodo’s voice immediately cut off, eyes widening before his head dropped forward so his face was no longer visible. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kili murmured, reaching forward hesitantly to brush a hand through Frodo’s hair. Frodo stiffened before relaxing into the gesture, head still bowed. 

“Frodo, there’s someone I want you to meet. He’s a good… friend of mine, and Uncle Bilbo’s too.” Kili turned and beckoned Fili forward. 

“This is Fili,” he introduced and Fili moved past him, bending so he was on the same eye level as Frodo. 

“Hi Frodo,” he said quietly, offering his hand. Frodo eyed it but made no move to shake it. Fili wasn’t deterred however, kneeling beside the bed to get more comfortable. 

“We’ve never met before but your Uncle Bilbo and Kili have told me a lot about you. You’re… five years old?”

Frodo shook his head. 

“I’m six,” he mumbled and Fili’s face lit up. 

“Six, that’s right. You must be at school, huh?”

Frodo nodded. 

“Do you have lots of friends? I bet you do.”

But Frodo shook his head. 

“The- the other kids don’t like me,” he mumbled through barely moving lips. “They tease me ‘cause I don’t like the same stuff they do.”

Fili shot a look back at Kili, who shrugged helplessly. He was pretty good around kids, at least when they were happy and playful. But the moment it came to offering advice about serious issues, he was at a loss. Fili chewed on his lip for a moment before turning back to Frodo.

“You know, kids didn’t like me at school either. I wasn’t very good at sport so they never wanted to play with me during break. But you know what?” He asked, leaning closer as though about to reveal a secret.

“What?” Frodo subconsciously mimicked his movement. 

“It doesn’t matter. Because you’ll find someone who does like the same things you do, and they’ll become your best friend.”

“But when?” Frodo pressed. 

“That, I can’t tell you. But it’ll happen Frodo; it’s only a matter of time. So you just hang in there and be yourself okay?” 

“Kay,” Frodo murmured, ducking his head once more as a sudden bout of shyness overcame him. 

It was at that moment that Bilbo wandered back in, coffee in hand and desperate for details about how Bag End was faring without him.

 

*

 

“Fili,” Kili asked slowly one night as he flipped the sign at the door from open to closed.

“Yeah?”

“What’s the date?”

“Umm. 17th I think? Why?”

Kili groaned, dropping his head to rest against the cool glass of the door. 

“Kili?” Fili’s worried voice drifted closer.

“Your birthday. It was last week, I didn’t even- I knew it was coming up but I completely missed it. I can’t believe- I’m so sorry Fee, I-”

“Hey, it’s okay. I didn’t really expect anything,” Fili said with a shrug and Kili stiffened. 

“What do you mean? You knew I’d forget?”

“No, I just meant- Kili, you’ve got a lot on your plate right now. You’re running this shop all alone and you’re barely getting enough sleep.”

“You should have reminded me,” Kili whispered as he ducked his head to press his forehead to Fili’s. 

“Truthfully, I nearly forgot myself,” Fili admitted. “We’ve been so busy; the days have just started to merge into one massive chaotic mess.”

“But it’s your birthday,” Kili breathed in horror. Fili smiled bemusedly at him. 

“It’s just another day of the year Kili.”

“No it’s not, it’s a commemoration of the day you were _born_ Fili! You’re meant to spend it celebrating with friends and family and get presents you don’t really need. And then in the night you go out and get hammered because you’re one year closer to 30 and you don’t really know where your life is heading.”

“That’s oddly specific,” Fili noted.

“Yeah it should be, it’s how my birthday goes every year.”

Fili chuckled, planting a soft kiss to Kili’s forehead before pulling away to grab his bag. 

“If it makes you feel any better, some of my work friends did drag me out for a lunch,” he called over his shoulder. 

“That does make me feel better. You know what else will? Dinner. On me. Right now.” Kili grabbed the keys and switched off the lights as he and Fili exited the shop. 

“You don’t have to pay for-” Fili started to protest.

“Consider it a belated birthday gift.” Kili locked the door behind them before dragging Fili across the street. “And I know the perfect place.”

 

*

 

They wound up at Kili’s flat two hours later, slightly drunk and clutching doggie bags. 

“… I just don’t understand why I keep having these dreams, you know?” Kili commented as he opened his fridge to store the food. “And it’s weird because I keep drawing people we know but they look really different.”

“Maybe you have a really good imagination?” Fili suggested. 

“Maybe. It seems like more than that though. Like they’re different… people. Not the people we know. Does that make sense?”

“Sort of?” 

Kili shook his head, reaching out to grab Fili and pull him close. 

“Never mind my dreams. Tonight is meant to be about you.” He emphasised his point by bopping Fili’s nose lightly with his finger. Fili raised his eyebrows. 

“How much more about me could tonight be?”

Kili didn’t even bother answering, instead sliding his hands around Fili’s neck and pulling him forward for a kiss. Fili whimpered slightly at the sudden movement, caught off guard as he careened into Kili, sending them flying backwards until the base of Kili’s spine was pressed against the edge of the kitchen counter. His hands slid to tangle in Fili’s short hair as Fili sucked Kili’s bottom lip between his own and after nearly two weeks of minimal physical contact, of stress and strain and sleep deprivation, it was utter bliss.

“I should-”

“Stay,” Kili whispered against his lips and Fili paused, pulling back to stare at Kili. 

“Are you sure?” His voice was barely audible. Kili kissed him hard in response, drawing him in with every breath until they were both dizzy and Fili was forced to maintain a white-knuckled grip on the countertop just to keep them standing. They stood together, sucking in much needed air before Kili tenderly pressed his forehead against Fili’s.

“Bed,” he murmured and Fili nodded. 

They stumbled through Kili’s apartment, stealing kisses, knocking into walls and nearly tripping over furniture. By the time they reached his bedroom they had left a trail of shoes, socks and jackets behind, sprawled on the floor or kicked under the sofa. Kili kept walking backwards until his knees hit the edge of his bed and he fell, dragging Fili down with him with a soft laugh. 

Fili’s hands immediately flew to Kili’s shirt, fingers fumbling at the buttons. He let out a low growl of displeasure as the buttons refused to open, brows furrowed in concentration as his blunt fingernails tried to pry them open. Laughing, Kili added his own fingers to the mess, making quick work of them. 

“You’re hopeless,” he teased and Fili scowled. 

“Not my fault,” he argued but was quickly distracted by the expanse of flesh that lay before him as Kili’s shirt fell open. Almost hesitantly he lowered his hand to Kili’s chest, fingers barely brushing against his skin. Kili could feel goose pimples rising along his body, breath hitched as Fili’s fingers tangled with the hair on his chest, following the smattering of hair down his stomach to his navel. His hand glided back up to Kili’s collarbone and suddenly he was pressing hot kisses to Kili’s torso that sent a blaze of heat rushing to his core. 

“Fili,” he whined followed by a sharp intake of breath as Fili’s tongue flicked at his nipple and a few seconds later Fili’s face was hovering above his own, teeth bared in a cheeky grin. 

“Hello,” he murmured before leaning down to kiss Kili. As he probed Kili’s mouth open with his tongue, Kili managed to wrestle Fili’s shirt off, flinging in across the room. His hands immediately latched onto Fili’s bare skin, marvelling at the warmth Fili emitted. 

“Your hands are cold,” Fili muttered, shivering slightly and Kili pulled him closer, nipping at his lips before rolling them both over so Fili was beneath him. 

“Maybe you should warm them up for me,” he suggested breathlessly.

“And how do you propose I do that?”

“Oh I can think of a few ways.”

Kili straddled Fili’s hips, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Laughing, Fili sat up, forcing Kili to grab his shoulders in order to stay upright. The atmosphere grew heated as their hands roamed, Kili sucking a dark bruise just beneath Fili’s ear, hips grinding forward to press against Fili’s groin and Fili _mewled_ , a soft noise that sent a rush of heat shooting to Kili’s groin. He rolled his hips again and Fili clung desperately to him, fingers digging into his skin hard enough to leave bruises. 

“Kili,” he groaned, breathing hotly against Kili’s neck. “Kili, please-”

“Please what?” Kili asked as his hips continued to rut against Fili, who let out a strangled moan. 

“I- please Kili, I-”

Kili’s hand drifted between them, brushing past Fili’s navel and then further, to the bulge clearly visible against the half open zipper of Fili’s jeans. He brushed his fingers against it and Fili’s head dropped against Kili’s shoulder with a loud thud, fingers still desperately clutching at Kili’s back. Kili quickly released Fili’s member from its confines as Fili panted harshly and his nimble fingers began stroking Fili’s length, encouraged by the soft noises Fili was emitting against his neck.

It wasn’t long before Fili was quivering with need at his ministrations, fingernails digging into Kili’s skin and Kili pushed them down until Fili was lying on the bed once more, Kili still straddling him, free hand resting beside Fili’s head. 

“Close,” Fili choked out and Kili leant down to kiss him, tongues battling for dominance as he urged Fili on. Fili’s hands moved to tangle in his hair and clutch his back, gripping to the point where it was almost painful and Kili knew he was close, could feel the pressure building in Fili’s body as several long months worth of pent up sexual tension was brought to the surface. 

And then Fili’s head was thrown back, his back arching off the bed as he came with a hoarse cry, Kili’s name on his lips and Kili had never seen anything so beautiful. 

“Happy birthday,” he mumbled against Fili’s barely cooled skin and Fili let out a breathless laugh even as he rolled them over, mouth sliding down Kili’s torso and then further still.

 

*

 

Kili woke first, in the early hours of the morning when the sunlight was just barely visible and the city was barely awake. He blinked blearily at the wall before realising there was another warm body pressed against his back, a soft breath on the back of his neck. He shifted slightly, tilting his head and found Fili curled up behind him, one arm wrapped around Kili’s torso. He looked utterly peaceful, all long lashes and slightly parted lips and Kili’s heart swelled at the acknowledgement that Fili was completely and utterly _his_. He turned slowly under Fili’s arm until he was facing him, careful not to move too quickly for fear of waking Fili up. Fili mumbled something, a slight frown marring his features but quickly relaxed when Kili pressed close to him. 

Kili remained like that for some time, watching Fili sleep until he eventually drifted off himself. When he next woke, Fili’s hair had turned golden in the sunlight, barely visible freckles scattered across his face as he stared at Kili.

“Mmm, morning,” Kili croaked sleepily and Fili grinned. 

“Morning yourself,” he said in a voice that was far too cheery for someone who had just woken up. Kili groaned and buried his head in Fili’s collarbone. 

“What time is it?” He mumbled into Fili’s skin. He felt Fili crane his head to glance at the clock. 

“Seven. We should get up,” he replied but made no move to rise. Kili nuzzled sleepily into Fili’s neck, mind still deliciously caught up in the previous nights activities as he pressed a soft kiss to Fili’s shoulder. He raised his head and found his lips captured by Fili’s, mouth soft and pliant against his own. After several minutes of exchanging tender kisses, Fili uncurled his arms from Kili and sat up.

“Come on Kili, we’re going to be late for work,” he warned lightly. Kili grumbled into the warm bed sheets, rolling over until he was once again pressed to Fili’s side. 

“Kee, come on. You have to be at Bag End by eight.”

“Don’t make me go.”

“Darling, Bilbo will have your hide if you take a day off.”

“What’s a day off? It sounds heavenly.”

Fili laughed, straddling Kili’s hips and Kili blushed because _oh_ it was one thing to spend the night together with someone but it was a whole other story to see them in all their naked glory in daylight. Fili appeared unconcerned, hands resting on either side of Kili’s head as he beamed down at him. 

“If you get up I’ll make you coffee,” he bribed. Kili blinked, slightly mesmerised as Fili’s hair and shoulders glowed in the sunlight streaming through his tattered curtains and what he wouldn’t give for a camera right now. Or his paints, although the likelihood of Fili remaining in that position long enough was extremely unlikely. Sure enough, Fili kissed him lightly before getting up, tapping Kili’s ankle as he searched for his clothes. 

Kili finally sat up.

“Did you say something about a coffee?”

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I can't write smut so you'll have to use your imaginations ;)
> 
> Also I apologise for any grammatical errors because it's like 2am so I know they're in there somewhere.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *posts chapter and runs back into the shadows in shame*
> 
> No, you're not hallucinating, I did indeed add a new chapter. Two months late. Mostly due to the fact that I'm apparently incapable of being productive when I actually have the time. I'm so sorry it's taken this long and if anybody's actually still following this, I hope it's not too terrible!

Looking back, the days leading up to and following Christmas were a blur to Kili. A muddle of faces and book titles as customer after customer streamed into the shop searching for the perfect gift. Even with Bilbo returning five days before Christmas, the employees of Bag End were completely swamped. Kili ruefully thought back to his promise to help Bilbo out; he’d barely been able to have a conversation with Bilbo about work, let alone their personal lives.

There was a brief interlude on Christmas Day when Bilbo closed down the shop but rather than celebrating, Kili wound up sleeping through the majority of the day on the couch, a marathon of Christmas themed movies playing on the muted television. But the following day it was back to work and if anything Bag End was more crowded as customers swarmed for Boxing Day sales. 

It was only on the day of New Years Eve that they received a slight reprieve. 

“You didn’t have to come in,” Bilbo said with a grateful smile as Kili pushed open the door. “There won’t be too many customers today and you could use the break.” 

“Bilbo, I think _you_ could use the break,” Kili shot back, glancing worriedly at his pale friend. 

“Ah but I could also use the money.” 

“It always comes back to the money.” 

“Well, it’s not just me any longer is it? I’ve got to support Frodo now.” 

“Speaking of which, where _is_ Frodo?” Kili asked, peering behind Bilbo as though expecting Frodo to pop out. 

“I uh- I have a friend looking after him today. He’ll drop him off at around four.” 

They both glanced up as a customer strolled in, offering twin welcoming smiles before returning to their conversation. 

“How’s Frodo coping?” 

“As well as can be expected given he’s just lost both his parents and been forced to move to a new city,” Bilbo replied gloomily, picking at a stray piece of thread on the sleeve of his jumper. “It’s hard to tell, he’s such a quiet kid. He didn’t speak a word at the funeral; even now he’s so shy and hesitant to ask me anything.” 

Kili hummed, unsure what to say. Bilbo shook his head slightly, turning his lips up into a smile. 

“But enough about us. What’s been going on here? How are things with you and Fili?” 

“Fili spent the night at my place,” Kili blurted out, immediately clapping a hand over his mouth the minute he spoke. Bilbo’s eyes widened. 

“Oh my god. Did you guys…?” 

Kili blushed involuntarily and Bilbo let out a shrill squeak. 

“Two weeks! I’m gone for two weeks and you guys hook up!” 

“Any louder!” 

“Well I’m sorry, but you haven’t had a romantic partner in years Kili. This is huge news.” 

“You realise we’ve been dating for several months right?” Kili pointed out. 

“You don’t have to remind me, I’ve been there for all your sickening displays of affection,” Bilbo grumbled even as he shot Kili a bright smile. “I’m so happy for you guys.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Does this mean I get to give him The Talk now?” 

“No!” Kili squawked, giving Bilbo a light shove. Bilbo burst into giggles at the horrified look adorning Kili’s face and it was only then Kili realised just how long it had been since he had heard his friend laugh. 

\-- 

Kili discovered who Bilbo’s “friend” was at precisely four in the afternoon when the door opened and a tall, extremely familiar man entered the shop with Frodo in his arms. 

“Thorin!” Bilbo exclaimed delightedly as he moved to take Frodo. Kili looked on, completely flabbergasted as Bilbo gave first Frodo and then Thorin a warm hug. 

“This is your friend?” He finally got out, moving from behind the counter. “This guy? The one who threatened us?” 

“Now Kili, there’s no need to exaggerate,” Bilbo reprimanded, shooting Kili a warning glance. 

“That wasn’t an exaggeration Bilbo, he literally threatened us!” 

“I apologise for my earlier behaviour,” Thorin interrupted Kili’s tirade, voice just as deep as Kili remembered. “Your display brought back several memories from my past that I would rather forget.” 

“So you figured threatening us to take it down was the right way to go, did you?” 

Thorin’s eyes narrowed. 

“I did not mean to be intimidating. I was merely caught up in my emotions at the time. I have already apologised several times to Bilbo.” 

“And of course that makes it all okay.” 

Thorin’s eyes flashed dangerously. 

“It’s a start.” 

“And what’s the end game?” Kili asked, fists clenching as he took a step forward. 

“Kili!” 

Bilbo strode to stand between the two of them, Frodo clutching his hand tightly as he glanced between Kili and Thorin with wide eyes. 

“I would thank you kindly to remember there is a young child here and we are in a bookstore. _My_ bookstore where there are still customers,” Bilbo reprimanded them both, tone unusually stern. 

“It’s fine Bilbo, I should leave anyway,” Thorin rumbled. He crouched down so he was at eye level with Frodo, who to Kili’s surprise leapt into Thorin’s arms without a second thought. 

“I’ll see you late kiddo,” Thorin said quietly and Frodo nodded, placing a sweet kiss to Thorin’s cheek. Thorin rose to his feet, offering a nod to Bilbo and a glare to Kili before leaving. There was a deadly silence as the door closed before Bilbo rounded on Kili. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“You let him take care of Frodo?” Kili exclaimed in disbelief. 

“Of course I did!” 

“A whack job stranger who tried to bully you. God Bilbo, you’re meant to be the responsible one here!” Kili despairingly ran a hand through his hair. 

“He’s not a stranger. Or a whack job for that matter!” Bilbo protested. Kili blinked. 

“Wait, what? What do you mean he’s not a stranger?” 

Bilbo heaved out a long sigh. 

“Kili, I’ve been- I’ve been seeing Thorin for months now. I ran into him about a week after he first came here and we sort of hit it off.” 

“You’ve been- why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because I knew this would happen! You and Thorin, neither of you are particularly forgiving people. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were related, the way you both hold grudges.” 

Kili pouted at the comparison, folding his arms across his chest. Bilbo sighed. 

“Look Kili, it’s- it’s complicated, okay? We got off to a rough start, I told him off for threatening me- don’t give me that look, I did give him a proper scolding- and he offered to buy me a coffee as an apology.” 

“Bought his way in with coffee I see,” Kili mumbled, determined to hate Thorin. 

“Anyway we got talking and things just sort of… came together. He told me about his past with Smaug and I must say I can’t really fault for his anger. Perhaps for his lack of emotional restraint, but certainly not for his anger.” 

“And Frodo?” Kili pressed, unable to believe his friend would leave his beloved nephew alone with the man. 

“Thorin was my rock when Primula and Drogo died. Of course I appreciate everything you and Fili did for me, but you were at Bag End all the time. Like I asked you to be of course, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that Thorin was able to be there with me at the hospital. He was there when Frodo woke up and you should have seen how gentle he was. You know how shy Frodo is, but he almost immediately latched on to Thorin.” 

“He opened up to Fili pretty quickly too,” Kili said quietly with a smile as he recalled that night. 

“Then hopefully he is a good judge of character.” Bilbo’s eyes were shining with unshed tears and Kili hurriedly pulled his friend in for a hug. 

“Oh Bilbo I’m sorry. I just want to make sure you and Frodo are safe. If you truly believe Thorin won’t harm either of you-” 

“He wouldn’t. I know him Kili; he wouldn’t harm a hair on Frodo’s head.” Bilbo offered Kili a warm, hopeful smile before apologetically excusing himself to hurry over to Frodo, who was in danger of collapsing a stack of books upon himself. 

_But what about your heart?_ Kili desperately wanted to ask. 

\-- 

It was past six by the time Kili made it home to his dark apartment. Fili had gone back home to spend the New Years with his family. He’d generously offered to take Kili with him, knowing that Kili had no family himself to share the occasion with but Kili had declined. He hadn’t wanted to impose on Fili’s family, didn’t want to feel the twin pressure of making a good impression to his boyfriend’s parents as well as deal with the drama New Year’s celebrations always brought. 

Glancing around his quiet apartment, Kili rather found himself regretting that decision. 

He prepared a quick dinner and settled in front of the couch, switching on the television to see pictures of New Year’s celebrations around the world. 

“… grab your loved ones and give them a kiss!” One presenter was declaring joyously as the camera swung around to show hundreds of people celebrating in the streets. More than half were embracing each other; friends, family, lovers, it hardly mattered. Kili once more glanced around his empty apartment before switching the channel until he happened upon an old black and white movie from the fifties. Grabbing his sketch pad he half heartedly kept one eye on the movie as he let his pencil dance across the fresh page. 

Several hours and one short nap later, Kili glanced down in surprise to find a completed sketch of a mountain face with several figures clinging to its side, one with their arm outstretched towards the viewer (towards _Kili_ ). It was hard to make out any faces but one of them looked suspiciously like Bofur and if he squinted he could make out his Ori and Dwalin lookalikes. And then there was the one in front, the one holding his hand out and there was no mistaking that it was Fili. Fili, with long hair and a hood and _god_ what was happening to Kili’s brain? 

Kili rose to his feet and crossed the floor to his bedroom, carefully placing the drawing with his other sketches. There would be time later for him to ponder over the meaning of his sketch but for now all he wanted to do was wallow in his loneliness with a tub of ice cream and wait for the New Year to arrive. 

\-- 

One tub of ice cream and twelve international New Year celebrations later, the clock finally struck twelve. Outside, Kili could hear his own neighbours cheering and laughing in the streets. There were fireworks both in the distance and on his TV screen, bright bold colours painting the skies. His phone buzzed with a message and an attached photo showing Bilbo and Frodo standing in Bilbo’s kitchen wearing party hats. _Happy New Year_ the message proclaimed and Kili managed a small smile at the joy on both Bilbo and Frodo’s faces. He texted back his own message and sent it before flicking through his contacts, pausing at Fili’s name. 

_He’s probably busy celebrating with his own family,_ Kili thought although he continued to stare at the picture of Fili who wasn’t looking at the camera, who was looking behind it to the person taking the photo. 

Looking at Kili. 

So when his phone suddenly started blaring out its ringtone, he nearly dropped it in shock. 

_Fili,_ his screen displayed and Kili only paused for a split second for his hands to catch up to his brain before hitting the accept call button. 

“Hello?” Fili’s voice sounded tinny but it was there, it was something tangible and Kili grabbed onto it. 

“Hey Fee,” Kili said quietly, curling his feet upon the couch, digging his toes between the cushions. 

“Hey, happy New Year!” 

“Yeah, you too.” 

There was a slight pause and Kili could hear the sounds of celebration from Fili’s end. 

“How’s everything at your end?” Fili asked, the background noise softening as Fili no doubt snuck off to somewhere private. 

“It’s… yeah, it’s good. Been watching all the celebrations across the world.” He chose not to mention his sketch. “How about you?” 

“My parents threw their annual New Year’s dinner and practically the whole family is here, it’s chaotic.” Fili laughed and something in Kili’s chest lifted at the sound. 

“It sounds nice.” 

“It is.” 

There was another pause and Kili was afraid that was how it would end, that Fili would offer a hasty goodbye and hang up but then- 

“I wish you were here with me,” Fili breathed. Kili closed his eyes, fingers tightening their hold on his phone. 

“So do I,” he replied, voice oddly tight. 

“You’d love the food. Mum made lasagne.” 

“You should bring some back with you.” 

Kili meant it as a joke but Fili made a thoughtful sound on the other end of the line. 

“Yeah. Yeah I might just do that.” 

There was another pause and Kili found himself hating the distance between them because he couldn’t see Fili’s face, couldn’t read the silence over the phone like he could read Fili’s expressions and it _hurt._

“Are you going to sleep soon?” Fili asked. Kili shook his head before realising Fili couldn’t see him. 

“No I uh- I don’t actually know what I’m going to do.” 

“Well I need a bit of a break from all my younger cousins right now. We could just… I don’t know, talk for a while?” Fili suggested somewhat hesitantly. Kili snuggled further into the couch, getting himself comfortable. 

“That sounds good.” 

They ended up talking well into the early hours of the morning until Kili’s voice was hoarse and Fili’s phone bill had skyrocketed. Their conversation was insignificant, full of inside jokes and fragments of memories and the occasional romantic verging-on-cheesy comment. All that mattered to Kili was that the sharp tinge of loneliness that had wormed its way into his life over the past few days was slowly ebbing away with every word Fili spoke. 

And if Kili closed his eyes and pretended he could feel Fili beside him, pretended Fili’s voice speaking softly into his ear wasn’t coming from several hundred miles away, no one had to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Oooh it's been a while since I've written anything multi-chaptered. This should be interesting!


End file.
